As the thoughts rolled the next to show up were the emotions of sadness; I found myself wishing my grandmother was here so I could share this news with her. Sitting with her and talking about her prayers for her family being answered once again. She always wanted the best for her family before herself. I felt sad for my wife, because I knew her mother was excited about being a grandmother for the first time. Plus my wife would get so enamored with the idea of her mother's reaction to the pregnancy.
It was then onto the feeling of determination. The thoughts hit me hard; I have to be more of a protector for this child and my wife. The blessing was given and now I have the responsibility of making sure both are cared for no matter what the cost to myself. All my business ventures have to be on point. Risk vs Rewards have to be weighed from the door. I have to make sure my books, my writing, peaking and all business ventures are thought provoking and honor the Lord, if I am going to care for this family. My body has to change and healthier is one of the goals to make sure I am here for as long as I can be for all the members of my family not just the baby.
The next feeling was remorse. I thought about some of my other children, who for the reasons I mentioned in my book "From From Gigolo to Jesus", placed me outside the loop in their lives for different amounts of time. In turn it cause me to missed this point in their lives. Not all of my children but enough to touch my heart strings. I thought about how my ungodly actions from when I didn't know the Lord allowed me to create children who I weren't there for. Actions which didn't allow me to be there with them or their mothers during this process of the pregnancy.
I guess that is why I needed the nap this afternoon when I got home. The one thing I do know is the Lord allows you to learn from your experiences so when its time to work from his grace you'll pull from what you once were. I thank the Lord for all the negatives which once filled my life for now they allow me to be the man, father, author, businessman, teacher and husband I think he could be proud of.
Either way the real work started the minute I said "Lord forgive me for my sins and I accept your son Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior". I am going to end on that fact and go hard each day to make a difference so folks can see the God I serve in my actions.